A Modest Testing Proposal by Morgan Postlewait

The following article appeared in the Astoria High School newspaper, the Astor Post, in March, but for some weird reason, was never posted to their website. Weird because I think this is the best article that's ever appeared in the Astor Post since I started reading it a few years ago, when my son was the opinion editor, and his articles were really good.

Schools use standardized testing as an effective way determining how people can perform important tasks. The scores are then used to determine our level of competency in certain areas, which is frankly quite useful. How else are we to know that someone can read, or do math? Simply asking them to demonstrate their skill in a non-stressful environment would simply not work. These scores reflect how successful a person can become in their future, as all things taught in schools will be absolutely necessary for every career path. If these required scores are not met, the unfortunate test-taker, in the opinion of the state, will probably become a criminal, or a worthless nobody who lives on the system, because every measure of success in life is due to the ability to perform mundane tasks in the form of standardized testing. I propose that we use standardized testing in all areas, for all subjects in life, because of its effectiveness in showing the knowledge and skill of the test-taker. Three areas of daily life that would be greatly improved through the implementation of standardized testing are tying your shoes, crossing the street, and brushing your teeth.

Think of the shame that must come with never being able to now if you can tie your shoes properly. Through the use of standardized testing, it will be clear if the test taker will be responsible enough and skilled enough to be allowed by the government to wear shoes with laces. It is clear that a standardized test is the only way to effectively prove one's skill in the area of shoe tying. It doesn't matter that we are "tested" on our ability to properly tie our shoes every time life requires us to, standardized testing is the only way to leave no doubt in the minds of our government that we are capable of performing these tasks, such as tying your shoes and other simple things that we are taught at a young age.

Another skill we are taught at a young age that we may never know we can do correctly without the use of standardized testing is crossing the street. This is an extremely important skill, as the failure to do so properly can result in death. It does not matter that there are painted lines, and lights that tell pedestrians when to walk, it is clear that without the implementation of standardized testing, no one will be able to trust themselves to cross the street properly. Standardized testing will prove to both the test taker and the government that they are able to cross the street properly. Without standardized testing, how can we ever be sure that crossing the street the way we do is safe or correct? Even if we've never been hit by a passing car, and we always look both ways, how can we know that our methods work to the required level of the government? We can't, and that is why standardized testing for every area in our lives is so important, even in areas such as brushing your teeth.

Every one either brushes their teeth, or needs to. That is why it is important that the government knows whether or not we are capable of proper oral hygiene. The government needs this information to perform their duties to the fullest, and the use of standardized testing would not only benefit our government, but also benefit the community as a whole. Now, we would be able to know each person's level of competence in the field of oral hygiene. Standardized testing would greatly improve the community and society, and provide the government with important information.

Think of the difference that would be seen in the world if we could use the abilities of every person to do every task that life requires. The world would clearly be a better place if everyone knew that certain tasks were able to be performed to the standards of the state. It is clear that standardized testing is the only effective method to show prominence for any activity. My proposal would raise the standards of life, by showing an individual's ability to do all the mundane tasks that life requires to the standards of the government.

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